Reaching Out

I feel like I have reached out to all of you so many times.
I can't possibly be as faithful to all of you as you have been to me.

I keep going back to read my comments when I feel weak so I can become stronger. I feel like this is a sign for me, a sign that is telling me that what I have established with all of you is real. That I can be strong, I can make it through this, I can survive.

I feel alone so much of the time lately but when I reread your comments I feel like you are all sitting next to me pushing me to the next chapter of my life.

I just keep wondering when you all will give up on me. When you will be tired of me being straight forward and not my joking self.

I miss being able to share the laughs with all of you but lately I feel the need to frown more than smile.

I just know one thing........ You all are my rock, you are what keeps me going every day and gives me hope.

I read your stories, your life experiences, and your past relations and I learn from them. I grow! I become wiser!
I can't wait till I can once again tell my daily stories, my crazy happenings, my family saga.........

I am here and I am here now telling you.. please don't go.

If you have been here this long, keep understanding, keep believing and trust that my friendship is forever!

I am here for all of you and if we have established that friendship you already know how to contact me and if you don't let me know in your comments that you want to and I will then be only an email away!

I miss all of you!

and most of all I appreciate all of you!

Love Jill!

Pssst! If you love me, you just might love my sister more. Go visit her at Tiney's Froggy Bloggy and tell her I sent you!

A new part of me

Reflection

I stare into the mirror but I see no reflection.

The mirror has been cleansed of its dirt,

Stripped of its’ sin.

The lights are turned on but it becomes darker.

I stare and hope to see an image but all in site is erased.

I begin to once again wipe the glass thinking that there is something blocking what should have appeared.

I wipe, I wash, I stare.

Still, nothing.

I begin to turn the lights on and off and off and repeat this several times.

The darkness fills up the room and shadows the mirror.
Still nothing.

No light is shining through.

I look away from the mirror, close my eyes and pray.

Where am I God? Where am I today?

Show me who I am!

Why have I been blinded? Why can’t I see?

Still…… Nothing…

No Light. No sound. No sign.

Where did I go? Where can I find ME?

Pssst! If you love me, you just might love my sister more. Go visit her at Tiney's Froggy Bloggy and tell her I sent you!

Where Am I??? Who am I ???

Most days I feel as though I am spinning within the fastest winds of a tornado.

Although I am here, I never know what is about to happen next.

I think every day about how lucky I am to still have all of you standing by my side.

I haven't blogged, haven't read, and I have barely visited anyone through email.

I am amazed at the loyalty I have found in so many of you.

You have just sat there and listened and responded with such strong messages when I was unable to do anything, but reach out for a shoulder to cry on.

It will never be possible to thank all of you enough.

On the days when I have felt most lonely I come back to my blog to read your supportive comments.

Either some of you have in my shoes before or know someone who has.

It empowers me to know others have survived what I am going through and are now living stronger than ever.

I remind myself everyday, not about how unlucky I am, but how lucky I am to have complete strangers who have become the backbone of my strength and the encouragement in my doubts.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I wish I could share pictures and stories of some of the wonderful things that are happening in both mine and my two girls lives but I can't. I have to wait. For now I hold them dear to my heart and feel blessed for every moment I am able to smile in these hard times.

Please don't forget about me and decide not to follow me anymore.

I will never ever stop blogging. It is a passion I have found that has filled a missing space in my life. I have had to keep silent for my own safety.

I miss each and every one of you and know that I may not comment but I a have read many blogs and enjoyed every minute of it.

Love always.... Jill

Pssst! If you love me, you just might love my sister more. Go visit her at Tiney's Froggy Bloggy and tell her I sent you!

Surviving

I have been gone from here too long.

I have been distracted from the things I love.

I have taken a detour in my life that has tested my strength.

I will not be defeated.

I will not let someone take what's left of my life.

I will live every moment I have left fighting.

From here on I will only follow my beliefs and I will no longer allow myself to be living every moment in disbelief.

I will strive for things that make me proud and shield myself from things that bring me down.

I will hold the dignity I have left high on my shoulders letting it hold my head up when it begins to fall.

I will cry only to pray for strength and I will no longer continuously ask myself, "WHY"?

I will no longer live with regret. I will go on only knowing I have made the right decisions.

I will use my past experiences to educate people in need, to try and prevent them from enduring the same things in their future.

I will go on even when I feel weak.

I will start over when I begin to fail.

I will read this to myself every day if it's what gets me through to the next.

I will SURVIVE!

Psst! If you love me, you just might love my sister more. Go visit her at Tiney's Froggy Bloggy and tell her I sent you!